Anybody who happens to come across this page while searching or who decides to come back after a delayed absence will quickly realize why I am not a published author. Besides the fact that I lack a talent for writing, I am also lacking in follow through. In fact, went though my writing today and noticed I have three stories that have at most four or five chapters and a dozen poems that don’t have a satisfactory conclusion. That was the whole point of this blog, but since I haven’t written in almost three months, that seems to be failing. That is not to say that I plan on giving up on this blog. In fact, the point of this post is to get me back in the swing of blogging and to also announce that I soon plan on putting up some of my other writing, as soon as I polish it up and feel it is good enough to share with the general public.
Today a co-worker is retiring, which got me thinking about endings. Endings are difficult for me. Funerals, co-workers leaving, friends moving away, are all difficult for me. I even have a hard time coming up with endings to my stories and poems. A friend told me that when one door closes another opens and to think about how it is a great opportunity for my retiring co-worker to spend more time with her husband and less time in the soul-crushing environment we call work. There are two problems with that. First, my friend is insanely optimistic. I don’t think I have ever seen her without a smile on her face. Second, I’m a narcissist, which you may remember from my last post. I focus on my life and what it will be like after it has suffered an ending.
I have no idea if this correlates at all to my trouble with creating endings for my writings. For one thing, I have no control of the endings in my life, whereas I can decide when and how a poem or a story or a blog ends. Then again, I put so much of myself into my writing that it becomes a friend as real, sometimes more real, than the friends I make in life. I have a hard time letting go and saying goodbye; of releasing my writing out into the world and knowing that people are taking it into their homes and doing to it whatever they want. So, now that you know my deep, dark secret, you won’t be surprised if some of my posts don’t have a proper….
These are the two questions I have been asking myself when contemplating the idea of creating a blog. Let us first start with the why. Short answer, the pretty girl that sits next to me at work suggested I start a blog when she got tired of hearing me spew nonsensical, first year college philosophy, and because I am a self-loathing narcissist, the thought of being able to flaunt my ideas and have them publicly destroyed was appealing to me. In case you were wondering, yes that is my idea of a short answer. The long answer would include the hours of mental struggle spent on the pros and cons of starting a blog, but since that would be incredibly boring I will leave it out.
Now it is time for the what. If you are still reading this I am sure you are wondering “What the hell could this guy have to say that is important enough to blog about?” and the truthful answer is: nothing. Since that is not a very good endorsement for my blog, I will tell you that the main purpose of this blog is for me to express my thoughts and views and hopefully piss off as many people as I can, which will probably be all three people who are actually bored enough to read this.
Finally, the title. Why am I calling it A Pseudo Writers Block? Well, simply enough I enjoy writing but I have had difficulties with my writing, which leaves a whole bunch of unfinished novels and unpolished poetry. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I don’t know if I am a pseudo-writer, or if I have a pseudo-writers block, but I hope that I will be able to discover that with this blog.